He Is Dying
by starquinn
Summary: Gamzee was hurt in a terrible accident. He is stuck in the hospital now, leaving you to worry constantly about him. You start to tell your story. Tavros/Gamzee NOTE: Major character death.
1. He is dying

You love him.

You love him so much that it feels like it hurts sometimes.

But he is dying.

Some days it's hard, the days he flies into a rage, screaming at anyone who dares to come close, throwing stuff at the walls and staying up all day and all night on the caffeine he ingests in the liters of Faygo he drinks incessantly. Daubing horrible, twisted pictures and stories on the walls, he guzzles down whatever food you manage to slip in to him so he doesn't starve. He stays like this for hours, days, until you can sneak a sleeping pill into one of the pies  
that he demands you bake him. He scares you those days. But what scares you more is the broken Gamzee, the one who lies in a heap under his bedsheets after one of his breakdowns, not coming out, even when you talk to him, saying it's all right

He came from a broken family and he was obviously affected deeper than just the scars layered across his body. When his father got custody of him, the beatings only got worse.

He cut school almost every day, not wanting to show the teachers or students the bruises and deep score marks that marred his body. The day that he ran away from home and arrived at the hospital almost a mile away from his home with nothing but the clothes on his back was,  
if just for the relief of getting away for a day, the best day of his life he says, other than the day he met you. The hospital staff was horrified by the extent of the damage spreading across his body. He had two fractured ribs and bruises from his shoulders to his thighs.

Bleeding from cuts on his tall, thin back and slender feet he was immediately rushed into intensive care, barely able to stand. He was held in the hospital for a week until he was able to stand without wobbling or collapsing in a dead faint, and then was moved into a foster family's house under a constant vigil. He slowly got better, attending the local high school  
that both you and him are sophomores at. _It's not fair_, you think. _He already atoned for whatever sins that led to his suffering. Why Gamzee? Why him of all people? _You remember when you first met. It was a rainy day, and you were wandering around downtown, your faux-hawk ruffling in the wind, looking for a birthday gift for your mom. Suddenly, the sky had started to rain lightning and thunder down upon you. Quickly, you wheeled yourself into the first shop you you could fit yourself in, a sort of clothes store that sold only "edgy" clothing with some sort of shitty name, and then you saw him. He turned around from the cash register and said

"What can I motherfucking do for you little bro?"

You wheeled yourself back a bit, surprised at his frank use of words that you would have to wash your mouth out with soap if you said them. Blushing you replied

"O-oh hi. I was j-just getting out of the rain for a bit"

Ugh. Your stuttering always got worse when you were nervous.

"No motherfucking problem bro. Thunder and lightning and all that."

"Uh, y-yeah" You mentally kicked yourself. _Be interesting_! Even if he is just an employee, you wanted to make a good impression.

"D-don't you go to my school? Prospit H-high?" Prospit was a small school, so most kids at least recognized everyone.

"Aww yeah. You're the quiet kid in English. 3rd row or something."

You blushed again. _He noticed where I sit! _Wait, why does that even matter? You kept getting redder. He came out from behind the counter. Suddenly, you noticed he's wearing pajama pants. You looked at him, up and down, noting his easy posture and long black hair.

"Y-yeah. I'm Tavros. Nice to m-meet you."

He slowly walked up to you, and he would have easily towered a head above you even if you hadn't been sitting in your wheelchair.

"So anything you motherfucking want then bro?"

"N-no thanks. The rain's stopped now, so I should probably be getting home now..."

"Suuuuure bro. See you motherfucking around."

"Y-yeah. See you around."

You slowly wheeled yourself out of the shop, and just as you crossed the threshold he said softly, then louder

"Wait a motherfucking minute! Here's my pesterchum handle."

He handed you a small strip of paper with the hastily scribbled words "terminallyCapricious" in a rainbow pen. How did he even do that?

"T-thanks. I'll pester y-you later, or something."

He blushed a deep purple and quickly ran back behind the counter as you wheeled yourself out the store. You looked back as you passed the store window, but he wasn't looking at you. For some reason, you were dissappointed...

When you return to your hive that day, you sit up in bed for half an hour, thinking about hi . You hope you will see more of that strange, thin boy.


	2. Tell me a story

I am in school one day after the accident when suddenly I get a text  
from the Gamzee's foster mom. He is getting worse. I rush out of  
school immediately, barely even stopping to sign out. After I barrel  
out, calling my mom to pick me up since I can't drive, I silently  
hyperventilate, almost fainting with worry. We stop by first store we  
find, even though it's in a gas station, and I buy all the Faygo I  
can. My mom speeds to the hospital, which shows the situation is  
serious. She almost never goes above the speed limit, or even within  
5mph of it.

As soon as I get to the hospital, I'm frantically wheeling myself in,  
barely keeping my hysteria controlled as I scream at the poor lady at  
the reception desk. She lets me through and I slam my hand repeatedly  
on the "open door" button laying on top of the smooth metal elevator  
control panel. The doors open up and I wheel myself in, screaming at  
the elevator to go faster, faster to my dying matesprit. Too late, too  
late are the words whirling around in my brain, hoping they're not  
true, not true. Circling faster and faster are the wheels on my  
wheelchair, faster than they've ever gone before. I burst into the  
room labeled "Makara" to the sight of a ridiculously pale Gamzee  
curled up in the fetal position, grinning slightly at the sight of me.

"Oh n-no Gamzee! What h-happened?

His voice is soft and weak, and I have to lean in just to hear it.

"Motherfucking nothing Tavbro. I just started feeling bad and suddenly  
I had all these nurses crowding around be me."

"Is there anything I can do for you? I got you some Faygo."

"No thanks. I'm not thirsty."

This was a bad sign. He always was thirsty for Faygo.

"There is one thing though. Come closer."

I slowly approach, trying not to be too loud so as not to disturb the  
other patients.

"Tavros, because I don't have much time-"

"That's not true! Don't say that!

"Don't lie to me. There is one thing though. Tell me a story."

"But Gamzee, what about?

"Anything."

"W-well, okay... Here goes nothing."

I curl up next to him, careful not to knock any of the spindly wires leading  
into his body, and begin weave my story, spinning the threads of his  
despair into a light, carefree day from long ago.


	3. Days Past

"I had already met you just the day before. I was going to school, the  
day after. When I went to school, I looked for you. At first I didn't  
see you, but in English I looked over my shoulder, and suddenly, there  
you were. Two rows back. I waved at you and you smiled a big, lazy,  
toothy grin in response. I spent the rest of the period in a stupor,  
learning how to write an essay, as if anyone was actually listening.  
Occasionally I would look up at you, and always would receive the same  
smile in response. When the bell rang, you waited for me in the  
doorway, soon falling in step with the speed of my wheelchair. As I  
looked up at you, you said

'Hey. Does a motherfucking bro want to hang out today?'

'W-well um.'

'Oh, it'll be motherfucking cool bro. We can hang out at my place'

'I'd have to call my m-mom stuff." You say, confused as to why he  
seems to have taken a liking to you.'

'That's motherfucking alright bro. Sit with me at lunch. We can work  
it aaaaall out.'

'O-okay'

'Bye bro. I got motherfucking Algebra.'

'B-bye then'

I wheeled myself down the stark white halls as you peeled off into a  
side passageway. The rest of the day passed in a blur, me doodling  
away the day with terrible drawings of random animals, most often  
trying to perfect my Tinkerbull. Soon the school day was over, and I  
was waiting outside for you, butterflies whirling around in your  
stomach. I was staring up at the waving flag, wondering what it would  
be like to fly up above flagpole, when suddenly, you appeared behind  
me and tapped me on my on the shoulder.

"Gah! Oh, I-its you Gamzee."

"Sorry Tavbro. You ready to motherfucking go?"

Y-yeah, I guess so."

You told me to follow behind you, being careful to walk slowly enough  
so that you wouldn't fall farther back. We chatted while we walked,  
but I can't remember what about. I probably babbled about Fiduspawn,  
you listening in silence, like you normally do. Eventually you told me  
to take a break and pushed me the rest of the way to your house with  
me blushing furiously in front. The walk to school was only about half  
an hour roll or walk from your house, so we got there fairly quickly.  
We let ourselves in, indulging your mom, letting her bake us cookies  
and fuss over me as we started up towards your room. You opened the  
door to your bedroom hastily, letting it bang against the wall as you  
said

"It's not much, and it's kinda dirty, but it's my room.

Kinda dirty was an understatement. There were plates everywhere with  
crumbs strewn across them and half drunk bottles of Faygo. Your  
bedsheets were rumpled, pillows scattered all across the top. You had  
a large window spilling light all over a carpet you could barely see  
underneath all the circus paraphernalia you've collected, now cleaned  
up after that marathon cleaning spree.

"So, what do you want to do bro?"

"Oh, uh" I hadn't gotten that part of my hanging out with Gamzee plan.

"How about I show you around my motherfucking home then bro?"

"Y-yeah, sure." I latched onto the idea like a life preserver, happy  
for anything that stops the conversation from getting awkward.

We leave your messy room as you showed me around the house, holding  
open doors and calling me your guide mockingly, letting me laugh  
whenever you did something stupid like almost knocking over a lamp  
with your lanky arms. First, I think, you showed me your parent's  
room, greeting your dad as you opened the door. Then you led me into  
your kitchen, grabbing some of your Faygo from the fridge for both of  
us. We went through the door to your living room where you showed me  
your rather impressive wide screen tv. Then there was the office, but  
it was really only where your dad worked, so we didn't spend much time  
there. After that, showed me your garage, just for the sake of  
completion. You wheeled me back to the living room and asked "Now  
what?"

"U-um, well, we could play v-video games."

"That's a motherfucking great idea bro"

You let me choose a game and we sat there and played for an hour. I  
had stayed up late last night doing homework and looking online for a  
gift for my mom and I started to get sleepy. I slowly started drifting  
to sleep without realizing it, and I guess I just fell asleep. I  
collapsed onto your lap, and you let me, just petting my head like it  
was some sort of roundish dog. We stayed like that for a few minutes  
until you shook my shoulder and said

"Get up little bro. You're all motherfucking tuckered out. You should  
probably go home and get your sleep on.

"O-oh, uh s-sorry. Bye t-then."

Bye Tavbro."

I wheeled myself outside and had my mom pick me up. I went home, did  
the rest of my homework and then went to bed early. But all I could  
think about was seeing you tomorrow, for reasons I couldn't  
understand. However, I was not exactly surprised."


	4. FEEEELINGS

**I'm sorry I haven't been updating in a while, I just haven't had a convenient moment. Here, have two chapters. (BTW this is an AU where they're trolls without horns)(Also, If you notice any errors, be sure to point them out so I can fix them)  
**

* * *

"Gee motherfucker, you're pretty good at this story thing. Go on. Tell me more. It's nice to hear about you."

His breath is getting weaker. Quickly I plunge into the next story I thought of, wanting to make the most of the time you have. The one that pops into my head makes me blush a bit, but I know Gamzee will like it.

"Okay G-gamzee. Just a few seconds."

I snuggle closer to him, nuzzling into his neck, take a deep breath and begin without hesitation.

"Weeks had passed, and we had been friends for about two months. Every day, I either came over to your house, or you were coming over to mine. You had quickly become my best friend. One day you were over at my house, and there were guests staying over at your house, so we decided that you could stay the night. You had quickly run back to your house and grabbed a sleeping bag, your toothbrush, and some pajamas. They were your polka dot ones, the ones that I saw on you when we met. We served you dinner and got set up. We would both sleep in front of the couch for an all night gaming session.

At first you suggested we play on the Wii, but then you realized your mistake and we switched over to a racing game. I was better at steering than you were from years in a wheelchair, even though the game was a lot different. I beat you almost every time. Even though someone else would have gotten frustrated, every time you lost you just offered a compliment or cracked your face with that large, lazy grin. Half the time I thought that you were absolutely terrible at any sort of game. The other half of the time I thought you were losing on purpose. We played until we were tired, eventually changing and then crawling into our sleeping bags. Even after that, we still played some more, until we were almost falling asleep, barely able to see past our half shut eyes. I gave up somewhere around one in the morning, and snuggled into my sleeping bag after turning off the lights.

I was about to go to sleep and I was barely conscious when all of a sudden you wriggled out of your sleeping bag and walked over to the couch I was sleeping on top of. You asked softly

'Hey Tavros, you awake?'

By that time I was too tired to even murmur something, so I guess you just thought I was asleep. Much to my surprise was when you leaned over me and kissed me on the lips.

'I love you'

I had butterflies in my stomach and was a little disoriented. But when I got up, turned your retreating head towards me and kissed you back, I think I was more surprised than you were. I blushed deep brown and said

'I love you too Gamzee.' as I dove back under the sleeping bag's protection. When I peeked out again, you were already snoring with a loopy grin on your face, chest rising and falling rhythmically. As I went to bed, I was humming, and I'm pretty sure I was smiling as well.


	5. Of Sand Castles and Ice Cream

**If anyone has a better idea for a chapter name than I do, I might change it, because I'm not that happy with it. Also, a friend of mine wrote a paragraph or so of this chapter, so plus 1,000 internets to her. Sierra, you are amazing. (Also, if anybody figures out which bit it is, plus 1,000 internets to you too)**

* * *

In the days after, I avoided you at school. I was embarrassed at our intimacy, not sure whether you actually liked me or not. I was scared that it was all a dream, and you'd turn round and reject me. You approached me in the halls, but I always fled to my next class, plunking down anywhere that you couldn't reach. I could see the hurt on your face, but I wouldn't let it reach my brain. You got more and more insistent, eventually showing up at my house with a rose and asking me out. I felt my walls crumble down, and accepted.

My mother already knew I was gay, and we started going out. After a month or so, we didn't even bother to hide it from the kids at school. We got some looks from some people, but nothing could bother us. We were in love. However, we still hadn't had an official date. You seemed content to just do the same things we always had, albeit with a more romantic scene. You seemed oblivious to any advances and unresponsive to the few that you did get. I was getting more and more frustrated, until eventually I decided to take matters into my own hands. You were over at my house and we were up in my small, dim, room when I built up the courage to say

'Gamzee, I was h-hoping that we could go out sometime. L-like, on a date.'

Yeah. That's a motherfucking great idea. I thought you'd never ask. Where?'

So you were waiting for me. I was angry and attracted to you all at  
the same time.

'Well, I figured we'd go to the beach. I can't go on the sand, but I  
guess we could walk on the b-beachfront. My mom agreed to drive us  
there on Sunday. All you have to d-do is bring your stuff.'

You agreed and the week rolled past in a blur. As it got closer and closer to the end of the week, I got excited, then nervous, then excited again. Finally it was Sunday and we were both ready to go. We spent the long drive chatting back and forth and playing games on our phones. It was perfect when we arrived, the sun shining down on us and the waves glistening in the early afternoon light.

'Alright boys. I'll leave you for now' my mom said "just remember I'll be here at six to pick you up."

'Okay' we chorused together, then smiled giddily at each other.

She drove off, leaving you to change in the bathrooms. I didn't change because there was no real reason to, so I just loitered around outside  
waiting for you. When you emerged, I did the biggest double take of my life. In front of me was a tall, handsome and thoroughly shirtless  
Gamzee. Long, muscular arms hanging carefree at your side, your chest and torso looking like they had been cut out of marble. You had always  
looked skinny because of your clothes, but underneath that was a wiry, ripped body that was making me blush a little. I quickly shook my head and wheeled over to you, trying to affix my eyes to yours. It felt like I was a lot closer to you then I had thought I would be.

'You r-ready to go?'

You nodded slowly, and we wandered down to the storefronts, checking out the book stands and trinket shops, occasionally checking out some memento or another. We bought lunch around noon at some fish shop, and you noticed me glancing towards the shore. Even before we had finished eating, you wheeled me over to where the sidewalk met the sand. Quickly, you scooped me up in one arm, folded my chair up in the other, and walked down to the hard packed wet surface, perching me gracefully on a small dune.

'Which motherfucker wants to make a sand castle?'

You dumped various buckets and shells for making the structure out on top of the ground and started scraping some wet sand into a pile.

'C'mon! This is the motherfucking bitchtits!'

'O-okay' I replied, hesitantly joining you at first, then diving in with gusto, having forgotten how much fun it was to make a sand castle  
ever since Vriska had pushed me out of that tree when I was younger, paralyzing me from the waist down. We spent the better part of the day  
just building up, decorating with seashells and making swirls in the mounds of silt we piled ever higher towards the sky. We played games  
with the sea, trying to make elaborate spires and complex designs in front of the oncoming tide before the waves washed in and broke down our walls, erasing our attempts.

At one point another couple sat just a little bit removed from us, whispering by our side, a girl with red rings around her eyes and a hipster with a purple streak in his hair. We played all day, reverting back to when we were children, giggling at the wind. You ran in and out of the waves with me in your arms, us both laughing when the spray hit us. We got a large ice cream just as the sun was retreating beyond the horizon, sitting on the pier with our legs dangling beneath us as we licked the ice cream from either side, both our hands overlapping each other's, grasping the cone. We watched the colors above the sea fade from blue to pink to orange to a deep purple, illuminating us as we kissed. We sat there in silence, sharing the moment, as the ice cream slowly melted over our palms.

Suddenly, we were jolted out of our peaceful dream when my mom arrived at the car park, honking ruthlessly to get us up. You changed quickly again as I sat in the car, slurping the remains of the ice cream off of my fingertips, and as we drove off, we had a beautiful view of the sun just barely peeking above the waves, framed in the back window. It was then that I realized how happy I had been that day. I never wanted to leave.


	6. I'm Coming

**... I'm sorry in advance**

* * *

"This is... motherfucking... amazing Tavros..." He's barely even completing sentences now. Hurriedly, I start to jump into the month after that. I don't want him to go. Shakily, I start to speak.

"We-"

"No. Just... stop... I don't want... you... to have to... stop in... the middle of... a story"

His breath is labored, coming in great wheezing gasps but much to scarce, too much time in between the heaves of his chest. He pulls my head into one last kiss, embracing me, kissing passionately, then letting his air out in a gasp of Faygo and jelly flavored breath.

"I love you Tav-"

He collapses in my arms, the heart monitor beeping slower, slower, until it let out one never-ending beep, a song of heartache and loss. Desperately, I put my mouth to his, pushing air into his lungs, trying to resuscitate him, even though I know it is no use. I let the tears fall on his broken chest, staining his hospital gown. At some level deep inside me, I am happy for this, leaving a final mark on his twisted body, the body of a boy lost forever.

No, no lost. Dead. Dead like my life, all color drained out, without Gamzee. Unaware, I feel my mom, and Gamzee's too hugging me, their tears falling, mixing with mine, whispering promises and comforts I know are not true. There is nothing left for me. I am lost without Gamzee, a small boy in the woods, not sure where to go, where to run. Where to hide.

I skip school for a week, and at first Nepeta tries to pester me asking if I'm alright, but she gives up after a few days, knowing it's  
futile. I spiral deeper and deeper into depression, wondering what I'm supposed to do. He was my life. I spend more and more time thinking about the days we spent together, the feeling of his fingertips on my lips, the rain pouring down on the windshield that we shared under the stormy night so many days in the past, the mottled half-light illuminating us dimly as we snuggled together. The weeks upon weeks of memories, tainted by his passing. I have nothing left to live for. I start writing my note.

Mom and Dad: Let me say I love you. You were always there for me, bringing me up when I was down. But now it's too painful for me to  
stay here anymore. And Nepeta. Thank you for listening to me. I never felt alone when you were comforting me. You knew me and Gamzee were meant for each other, and I love the way you're always so happy. I hope you will always remember me well, and keep me in your hearts. Gamzee, I'm coming for you. There was no reason for us ever to be apart.

-Tavros

As I signed with a final flourish, I let a tear drop upon my signature. I only noticed then how blurry the letter had been as I wrote it. My entire body shook with repressed sobs. My heart fluttered, but it was too late not to go through with it. I picked upthe bottle of my dad's sleeping pills from the floor, and took out twelve. Maybe it would be just like going to sleep. _Gamzee, wait for me._ I swallow them, feel a flash under my eyelids and know no more.


End file.
